Knižka: Rodinné konštalácie

  • 28 November 2014
  • krkavec
Rodinné osudy nás najsilnejšie ovplyvňujú práve vtedy, keď si ich vplyv nepripúšťame...

V lete som sa dostal ku knižke, ktorá ma veľmi nadchla a zmenila môj pohľad na vlastný rod, na rodinnú minulosť a budúcnosť. Napísal ju Bert Hellinger a vychádza v nej zo skúseností z „rodinných konštalácii“ – zo stretnutí, kde si skupina tebe neznámych ľudí na seba prevezme úlohy niektorých členov tvojho rodu. Tým, že títo cudzí ľudia o tvojej rodine vlastne nič rozumovo nevedia – nič si teda nemyslia. Otvára sa tak priestor pre prejavenie hlbšieho vedenia, ktoré je inak hatené logikou našej mysle.

Prejaví sa niečo ako divadlo, ľudia v úlohách sa začnú hýbať, začnú predstavovať svoje úlohy a zaujmú voči sebe postavenia a vzťahy, z ktorých možno čítať stav vzťahov v tvojej rodine. A čo je dôležitejšie, odhalia sa týmto spôsobom veci, ktoré sa musia dať poriadku, aby sa členovia rodiny a ich vzájomné vzťahy vyliečili. Spoločným menovateľom ťažkostí v rodine býva často vážna životná skutočnosť z rodinnej minulosti, ktorá však ostala z nejakých dôvodov potlačená a rodinou neprijatá. Viac to osvetlí úryvok:

„Akonáhle sa niečo usporiada, cítite pocit úľavy, mieru a možnosti spraviť niečo prospešné. Toto je význam jednoduchého výrazu „dať do poriadku“. Zrazu je cítiť úľavu. Poriadok sa odhaľuje, nevynachádza sa. Prejavuje sa pri stavaní divadla rodiny (rodinné konštalácie).

Ten, kto už postavil veľa rodinných sústav, môže vidieť, čo patrí do poriadku. Napríklad, že každý člen rodiny má rovnaké právo súnáležitosti. Toto je základný poriadok: kto patrí do rodiny, má tiež právo súnáležitosti, ktoré je pre všetkých rovnaké. Takto je to správne a nemôže to priniesť nič iné, než dobro.

Keď hovorím o tomto poriadku, neriadim sa podľa žiadneho kázania, ani kresťanského ani iného. Hovorím o ňom len preto, že v rodinných sústavách je zjavný, hlavne jeho účinky. Keď je poriadok ctený, plodí dobro. Každý si to môže skúsiť a overiť na sebe. Naopak, ak poriadok ctený nie je, ľudia sa dostávajú do ťažkostí alebo ochorejú.

Uvediem príklad. Keď je opäť priznané miesto v rodine homosexuálovi, ktorý bol pred tým z rodiny vylúčený, všetkým sa uľaví. Ak ale zostane vyradený, bude napodobňovaný niekým ďalším, bez toho, aby si to ktokoľvek uvedomil. Tento poriadok pôsobí nezávisle od toho, či ho poznáme alebo uznávame. Jestvujú sklony či zvyky v správaní, ktoré slúžia poriadku, a iné, ktoré ho rušia. Cieľom liečby duše je teda usporiadať to, čo je v neporiadku.

Do tohto rádu patrí tiež povinnosť uznať, že každý je schopný niesť svoj vlastný osud. Ak v nejakej rodine chce umrieť otec či matka preto, že ich bratia a sestry sú mŕtvi, stáva sa, že deti majú sklon zastúpiť im cestu a zomrieť namiesto nich. Tento spôsob je ale porušením poriadku. Deti si privlastňujú právo spraviť niečo, čo nespadá do ich zodpovednosti. Aj keď sa nedá povedať, že by boli za tento prístup vinné – robia to z lásky – ale ich zásah má neblahé následky pre všetkých. Táto sústava sa usporiada, len keď deti nechajú otca či matku odísť aj napriek tomu, že to môže byť ťažké. Toto je súčasťou prejavu úcty. Ak rodičom nikto nezastupuje cestu a nikto im nebráni, je pravdepodobnejšie, že zostanú.

Iné rády majú čo do činenia s poradím. Napríklad rodičia prichádzajú do sústavy skôr než deti a ich vzťah má prednosť pre rodičovstvom. Rodičia musia stáť v rodine na prvom mieste a musia vyžadovať, aby to deti ctili. Jedine takto sa budú deti cítiť v poriadku. Naopak, ak rodičia nedávajú najavo svojr rozhodné postavenie a vážnosť a snažia sa napríklad dostať na úroveň svojich detí kamarátskym správaním, deti tým trpia, stanú sa neistými a neslobodnými.

Do poriadku patrí aj skutočnosť, že určité činy majú následky, ktorým sa nemožno vyhnúť. Práca s vážne chorými ukazuje, že niektoré činy nemôžu byť odčinené. Súčasťou poriadku je dôvera v schopnosť každého prijať následky bez vyžadovania úľav od osudu. Akonáhle človek následky prijme, získa hrdosť, ktorú predtým nemal. Aké činy sú tak závažné, že nemôžu byť odčinené? Napríklad potrat alebo keď niekto nechal uväzniť vlastného otca. Jediná vec, ktorú je treba spraviť, je prijať vinu a následky. Niekdy vidím na odozve človeka, že niečo už nemôže byť odčinené, napríklad keď niekto chce radšej zomrieť, než aby uctil otca či matku. V tomto prípade sa skutočnosť snažím vysvetliť ako liečebné opatrenie. Snažím sa takéhoto človeka postaviť zoči voči vážnosti veci, čím si získa ešte jednu možnosť k zmene.

Môže sa to zdať kruté, ale všetko ostatné by bolo ako zatváranie očí, podľa hesla: nesmie byť to, čo je. Takto by sme si obaja snažili prispôsobiť skutočnosť tým najpohodlnejším spôsobom, namiesto toho, aby sme jej čelili. Ale zmeny prichádzajú jedine, ak sa dívame skutočnosti tvárou v tvár.“

– Bert Hellinger. Rodinné konstelace – objevná síla.

Odporúčam tiež podobne zameranú knižku od Wilfrieda Nellesa Rodinné konštalace – táto mi tiež veľa osvetlila.

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