Hare-Krišna cestou-necestou

  • 9 July 2016
  • krkavec
Odovzdaj sa nádhere... Od istého bodu cesty však už pôjdeš sám, ak uzrieš.

Vonku prší. Dnes som umýval podlahu v chráme u brnenských Harekrišňákov. Potom som príjemne zmokol cestou domov. Mám chuť si ešte aj studenú sprchu dať a očistu zavŕšiť. Namiesto toho však sedím a dumem: Ako nájsť mieru? Mieru medzi voľnosťou a slobodou a zvykom a rozvrhom?

Vyskúšať si obe krajnosti?

Prichádza mi: Veď ony sa stretávajú – v odovzdaní.

„Hare Krišna Hare Krišna Krišna Krišna Hare Hare...“

Prečo ma tak nadchli, tí oddaní?

Avšak, nemusím sa zaviazať, zriekať, ani sa mníchom stať, aby mi duchovný rozvrh všedného dňa pomohol. Vo všednosti, v obyčajnosti je totiž sila – tá je prostá, pravdivá, skutočná. Nejde o predstavy ani pekné spomienky – ale o prítomnosť. Veď práve!

Odbieham a vraciam sa. Sprcha spravila dobre.

Potrebujem si prežiť obe krajnosti, cítim: aj odovzdanie sa voľnosti, prúdu života, vnútornému vedeniu, prejavenej skutočnosti oprostenej o predstavy; aj odovzdanie sa pravidlám, pravdám, vonkajšiemu vedeniu učiteľa, vodcu... 

Vedeniu Boha? Všehomierneho, všepresahujúceho?

Kde som, ak sa zdráham odovzdať? Nedôverujem v život?

Väzím vo väzení, kolo života sa zadrelo – nie, našťastie nie – ale dokázalo by sa krútiť mocnejšie, víriť sa živšie a uvoľnenejšie po závitnici nových skúseností...

„Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare...“

Odriekam motlitbu a guľôčky ruženca mi prechádzajú pomedzi prsty. V jednom kole sú, sto osem ich je...

Už vidím tú cestu, vedie cez nenásilie, cez mier a mieru. Cez to, že sa prestanem snažiť a siliť a otvorím priechod vedeniu. Akémukoľvek?

Ak sa nútim do rozvrhu, či snažím sa vyhovieť, aby som bol takým, ako si predstavujem... Ak sa silím do rámca učiteľa, ktorého som ale bytostne neprijal.. Ak konám z obáv, či zo snahy, aby som bol tým, kto nie som, či tým, kým chcem byť? Je to trápenie. Boj. Duchovné násilie samého na sebe. Je to scestné.

Byť v mieri s tým, čo je. Vtedy sa môžu uvoľniť zábrany, brnenia, tváre a predstavy chrániace nás pred vlastným i cudzím násilím, očakávaním, nútením – a pred bolesťou rozporu medzi pravdou skutočnosti a našimi predstavami, aká by tá skutočnosť či pravda mala byť.

Tí Harekrišňáci ti vedia! Na, tu máš gorály, tieto slová odriekaj – a dobre bude! Nemusíš nič, len toto, tu si sa našiel, tu si dobrý, prijatý, prospešný! Len tým, že sa modlíš a účastníš a Boha uctievaš. S úsmevom. Je to nádherné, to odovzdanie. Tak prospešné na istom úseku cesty.

Presahuje to myseľ, a táto ju nikdy neuchopí. Je to prúd-neprúd, cesta-necesta.

Za mesiac mám štátnice a bude to husté. Možno dobrý čas vyskúšať si jednu krajnosť: duchovný rozvrh. Na brieždení už byť hore, pred brieždením vstať. Chytiť vlnu sily a ľahkosti, cez voľný tanec, cvičenie živlov, spev, hranie sa a počúvanie duchovného učiteľa.

Oni oddaní vedia, čo robia... Bolo by pekné založiť kláštor na spôsob toho ich, ale v duchu našom pôvodnom a zároveň otvorenom o nové a iné cesty. A už chcem niečo prinášať iným. Pch! Najprv si to však musím zažiť! Sám skúsiť, zakúsiť, prežiť, na vlastnej koži, vlastnou bytosťou. Kam ma to zavedie. Kde je miera medzi odovzdním a osobitosťou? Také sú protizmysly cesty-necesty: Bude najprínosnejšie, ak sa prestanem snažiť byť prínosný?

Rozprával som sa so svojou dušou, v duchu som viedol rozhovor s Prabhupádom, s duchovným učiteľom hnutia Hare Krišna, keď sme sa k nemu ráno modlili. Prišlo mi, že som v tom slobodne. Nič nie je predurčené, správne či nesprávne. Je to ustavičná voľba. Rozhodnutie?

Nové veci mi do života vstupujú: sila vo voľnosti cez improvizačné divadlo, sila prijatia vedenia učiteľa, sila pravidelného rozvrhu a zvyku, sila piesne a odriekania modlitby, sila váhy duchovnej práce z radosti. Toto všetko mi pomôže cez vlastné hranice pohodlia, vstriec do sveta, do sily, do rozvinutia.

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